This is the story of how I weaned my toddler. I don’t expect it to look like your story. Nor do I expect you to do what I did. I only hope that my story can make yours a little easier to bear. Let’s face it, weaning a toddler is no easy task.
My original goal was to nurse my daughter for at least 2 years. As an attachment parent, I allowed her to feed on demand for the first 18 months of her life. When she started to feed more often instead of less, I knew I had to make some changes. It was time to free myself from her constant demands. It was time to start saying no.
I felt my heartstrings pull each time I had to turn her down. Other people and sources offered little helpful advice. Replacements, distractions, and other techniques just didn’t work for her. All she wanted was nursies and nothing would deter her from that goal. Then I realized that I didn’t have to say no either.
Then I realized that I didn’t have to say no either.
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How I Weaned My Toddler
How I Weaned My Toddler: Find a Nursing Rhythm
I created a nursing rhythm that gave me the freedom I needed. I allowed her to feed 5 times per day. Morning, After our morning walk, before nap, when daddy gets home, bedtime, and whenever she wanted to at night because we co-slept.
Whenever my daughter asked to feed at an off time, I would tell her the next time we could feed instead of saying no. “Yes, after our walk.” Or “Yes, when daddy gets home.” After a few battles, she finally accepted this new rhythm.
If she didn’t remember to ask at a normal feeding time I wouldn’t remind her. Instead, we would just allow that feeding to go for the day.
How I Weaned My Toddler: Cut One Feeding at a Time
Once I started a nursing rhythm I decided to cut one feeding every few months or so. I wanted it to be a gradual loving process.
The first feeding we dropped was the mid-morning after walk feed when she was about 20 months old. As the days got hotter we started to walk earlier and earlier in the morning. When we got home she was not used to feeding so early so she began to forget about it more than she remembered. Soon it was gone.
Next went the afternoon “when daddy gets home” feed when she was about 22 months old. We moved down to LA for the summer so my husband could work as an ocean lifeguard. His work schedule changed. He was now home in the mornings and didn’t arrive home until after her bedtime. She soon forgot about that feed. 2 down, 4 to go.
How I Weaned My Toddler: Naptime Limbo
I knew the last three feeds and the all night milk bar would be a bit more of a challenge for her to “forget.” I knew that I was going to have to actually do something about those — but I was in no hurry.
We were comfortable with our extended breastfeeding relationship. She was no longer asking me to feed all day long and we had both become comfortable with our three feeds a day rhythm. Morning, nap, bedtime – and anytime she woke at night. I never noticed anyway.
We carried on that way until just after she turned 2 years old when she started needing her nap less and less. I wanted her to keep napping but her night time sleep was getting shorter and shorter on the nights she napped. She slept more hours (nap + night) on the nights she didn’t nap. I knew it was time to allow her to let it go.
She was in nap limbo for about 2 months. When she needed a nap she nursed. When she didn’t nap, she didn’t even ask to nurse. Soon both her nap and that nursing session was gone. Today we both enjoy 45 minutes of solo quiet time.
As it turned out, I didn’t have to “do” anything about that feed either. Although nap limbo was a difficult time, the feeding was gone – sweet success. 3 down, 3 to go.
How I Weaned My Toddler: Goodbye All Night Milk Bar
After my daughter dropped her nap and mid-day feed I was ready to turn off the all night milk bar. I knew this was going to be the toughest feeding to let go of so far. Rolling over to latch on to mommy whenever she woke was all she knew. It was her norm.
I didn’t want her to feel rejected by the ending of the all night milk bar. I didn’t want her to feel like mommy didn’t love her anymore. But I knew it was going to do just that – this was not going to be easy.
I began reading a picture book titled “Nursies When the Sun Shines
When she was about 28 months old the night we talked about had finally arrived. After her bedtime feed, we reminded her that she would not nurse again until the sun was shining. I wore a sports bra to bed that night just in case.
I awoke to her whimpering and pulling on my sports bra at about one in the morning. I reminded her that we couldn’t nurse until the sun was shining. To say it didn’t go over well is an understatement. She threw a thrashing, screaming, crying, hitting, yelling fit. All I could do was love her, empathize with her, and hold on to her as best as I could.
I knew the power of habit and knew that after 3 nights it would get easier. It was hard, but I stuck to my plan and did not give in to her cries. She cried for the next few nights while we continued to love her and empathize with her. Soon those hard nights faded away and the all night milk bar was finally closed – whew! 4 down, 2 to go.
How I Weaned My Toddler: Enter the Countdown Calendar
Once we were down to two feeds a day my new goal was to have her weaned at three years old. I decided to make a new plan for dropping the next two feeds. I knew they would be just as challenging for her to let go of as the all-night milk bar was. I didn’t want her to have to go through that painful experience again so I decided to do a better job of preparing her.
When she was about 34 months old we knew it was time to drop another feed if we were going to have her weaned at three. I made a 10-day countdown calendar and my husband and I prepared for the “countdown.” We wrote sweet notes that we placed in each box of the calendar. Each morning we reminded her that when we got to the last box we wouldn’t be able to have morning nursies anymore.
When the morning arrived she cried painful tears but she was ready for it. There was no thrashing, screaming, or hitting. She was mourning the loss of that special time, and so was I. My husband and I loved her and empathized with how hard it is to give up something that you love so much. The tears faded away much quicker this time. 5 down, 1 to go.
How I Weaned My Toddler: I’m Two
After the pain of losing her morning feed faded away, we began to prepare her for dropping her night feed. We told her that when she was three she would no longer be able to have nursies. Every time we talked about it, she would hold up her two peace fingers and say, “I’m two, I’m two.” Three was something she was pushing far away every time the subject came up.
Finally, we began the countdown to her third birthday and weaning party. When she saw the calendar I could tell she was a bit sad, but she was ready. It was a sobering experience for us all.
The maturity with which she attempted to read each of the notes in the calendar herself made her mama proud. She was ready this time, and we celebrated.
We made her third birthday as special as we could so she would not reject three for two. When the night fell on the evening of her third birthday she did not shed one tear. This time, only her mommy did.
Books I used to Support Our Weaning Journey
The following are affiliate links. I earn a small commission at no cost to you. Thank you for choosing to support this blog!
- Mothering Your Nursing Toddler
- Ready to Wean: The Return of the Dangling Red Earrings
- How Weaning Happens
- Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning – Revised: How to Bring Breastfeeding to a Gentle Close, and How to Decide When the Time Is Right
- Weaning my Toddler: An Attachment Parenting Approach
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My daughter is two and this plan sounds exactly the way I’ve been weaning her. She is down to morning, nap, and night feedings. I wondered how I’d wean those and glad I read this post. It will help me with those last nursing times. She won’t turn 3 til next May so I have some time before it has to be over but I know it will be hard for her and I both.
I’m so glad this helped you Ashley. It doesn’t have to be over at three unless that is what you and your daughter decide to do. Every nursing relationship is different, and there are no hard and fast rules. Using the countdown calendar really helped my daughter prepare to drop her last feedings. I can’t recommend it highly enough.
Thanks for sharing this. I know how hard it must have been to wean. My son weaned himself at 18 months and I felt so sad as I had planned to go to 2 as well. In the end, it’s important you do what works for both of you and it sounds like you had a great, long run. This is amazing advice!
Thanks Megan. It was hard and easy at the same time. It really is a mixed bag. One side of me wanted it to be over, while the other side wanted our nursing relationship to continue. At the end of the day it was up to me. She would have continued to nurse. I choose to end it because I felt that we would both benefit in the long run. The older she got, the more I questioned whether it was a good idea to continue. I am happy with my choice, but I still feel a sense of sadness for the loss of that special bond.
Ahhh this made me sad! Your story sounds a lot like ours, though my daughter is only 15mo right now. We are at 5 feeds (3 in the day and 2 at night). I don’t mind the day feeds, but nighttime wakings are tough! I’d always planned to nurse until 1yo, but I’d been told most babies wean themselves…not mine haha! I think it is a very special thing for her, it’s her special mommy time. Reading this reminds me that I’m going to miss those moments when it’s over!
It seemed as if my child was never going to wean herself either, that’s why I ended up urging her along. It started to feel like I was doing her a disservice by allowing her to continue. She was starting to seem overly attached to my breasts. Although I really miss that aspect of our relationship, I am happy with my choice.
Wow, kudos! I was okay if my daughter got to three with nursing, but at 2 and a half, I was ready to be done I had slowly removed the night nursings and reduced the number, but I love the idea of a weaning party and explaining the process to her.
I had no idea we were going to make it to three when my daughter was born. I was honestly hoping to get to one while having the goal of reaching 2. Once she was 18 months old I knew we would make it, but then wondered how she would ever stop! Who knows what would have happened if I didn’t start limiting her feeds and slowly dropping them one by one. I’m pretty sure she would still be feeding several times per day. Allowing her to self-wean was what I wanted, but it just didn’t work out that way. I am glad that we brought it to a close on her third birthday. I was sad, but I am enjoying the freedom after three long years.
I weaned my toddler at 1 because i had to join back work and also i had started developing pain in my breast. But this plan sounds awesome , my little one had to go through a lot because i didn’t go through a plan just started weaning off . will work with this one for my next one!!!
Richa
AllThatsMom
Hi Richa!
I didn’t have a plan either at first. I had no idea what I was doing, I just sort of made it up as I went along. Many people drop the night feed first, but my daughter was way too attached to that one so I had to work my way up to it. Every mama, child, and situation is different… we just do the best we can with each moment that passes and know that everything will work out. I’m glad that my story has inspired you. I hope it equips you to find your own way when and if you ever breastfeed another child. 🙂